And the message is .........LEARN
I have heard that if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. For a long time, I've been everything and everyone but myself. Its like the world tells you be this, that , this and you will get along in life just fine. I've been all that. I'm like a chameleon -every color, yet no color. And just like a chameleon, instead of people accepting you when you blend in, they rejected me. They repulsed and shuddered at my grotesque look, even though by my color- which was the same as theirs, I was supposed to be accepted. So I'm going to stop stifling me. If I am to die tomorrow, my greatest regrets will be:
1) Not trying to write a book that empowers people
2) Not buying calling cards and pouring out into the lives of those behind me
3) Not keeping a blog on the messages I get from God
Sometimes I go through my own notes that I jotted when I read the bible and I'm amazed at how powerful they are. From hindsight, I see how powerful a relationship I have with God. But in the day to day, the devil so lies to me, that he almost prevents me from growing in my relationship with God. I always doubt. I always wonder if God is mad at me. Is God like people- they are happy with you as long as you continue to meet their expectations? And God is silent - and patient. There are so many times in my life when I have not been able to connect the dots, only to later realize and think, God how silly I was! Why didn't you show me? And I know why- because I didn't ask, because I was too busy thinking I had figured it out. Because I didn't spend time laying at His feet asking for his ochestration. Because for every minute I frustratingly struggled with attempting to control my own time, I only lapsed into mindless surfing, away from it all, yet craving and scraping at the remnants of human affection and attention.
So from today I am putting my name out there for what I believe in. I refuse to blend and I refuse to bend. I stick out, even if it means whatever it means. And I'm not saying I'm strong enough not to care what people think, but my crucifixion may be for the salvation of the masses, like my Saviours was. Its like I cant serve two masters- I'm going to have to make my choice between God and mammoth between God and people- and today, I fully choose God. I am free (smiling now in the midst of tears)
So today was one of those days when I went to lie at my masters feet, after about 12 hours of unproductivity because I was just tossed and turmoiled inside of me, caring too much about society's expectations of me to care about God's expectations of me, running it my way until there was no way. Then I crushed and totally surrendered in that shame and animal, writhing helplessness of a wounded stray dog or broken-winged bird that has no choice but to let you pick it up. See this is not the first time. Usually, when I reach a point like this (as I have about 5 or 6 times in the past 5 years), I burst into tears at my Masters feet and I throw a tantrum, but one out of helplessness and utter lack, usually God would send a physical remedy. The phone rang once and it was an invitation to come to Duke Law for a pre-law conference (as God would have it I am now a second year law student at Duke.. aint He awesome! thats my daddy!!), another time, I received an email minutes after telling me I had an interview for an internship with one of the highest courts in the country...thats my daddy AGAIN :)) I love that Man of Calvary). Sometimes those moments was when God will throw me, not just a life-vest, but a life boat, a ship if you will, then I would move on.
But there's a verse in the bible that says (Hebrews 5: 12-14) Paul tells us that we are being slow to learn and that we should be TEACHERS by now, but we keep needing someone to teach us the elementary truths of God's Word. We are still on milk, not solid food. We are still learning the teachings about right and wrong when by maturity, we should be able to DISTINGUISH good from evil .
Paul in Hebrews 6 vs 4 says that those of us who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit who have tasted the GOODNESS of Gods word and of the coming ages, those of us who have been ENLIGHTENED by God , it is IMPOSSIBLE, if we fall way, for us to be brought back to repentance- why because TO OUR LOSS WE ARE CRUCIFYING THE SON OF GOD OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND SUBJECTING HIM TO PUBLIC DISGRACE!!!
I am the land thats drank God's grace, and if I produce a crop useful for those God has planted me for, then I recieve Gods grace but if I produce thorns and thistles and worthless things, then I am in danger of being cursed and in the end I will be burned. Galatians 6:7 tells me "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows" I should NEVER lie to myself and tell myself God doesn't know what I am up to, He cannot be mocked, what ever I am sowing is what I am going to be reaping.
The next verse in Hebrews 6 (vs 9) tells me God is confident things will be different in my case, that good works will accompany my salvation. God is not unjust, the scripture continues, God will not forget mywork and the love I have shown Him as I helped His people and continue to help them. I HAVE TO SHOW THAT SAME DILIGENCE TO THE END IN ORDER TO MAKE MY HOPE SURE. I SHOULD NOT BECOME LAZY, BUT I NEED TO IMITATE THE FAITH OF THOSE WHO THROUGH FAITH AND PATIENCE INHERITED WHAT WAS PROMISED.
THE CERTAINTY OF GODS PROMISE
Hebrews 6 vs 13 tells me when God made a promise to Abraham, and that since He had noone greater to swear by, He swore by Himself saying "I will surely bless you and give you many descendants" and so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what God had promised.
Imagine God swearing by himself. People usually try to swear by something greater than themselves to show the unchanging nature of their PURPOSE, but because God CANNOT lie and because God is the GREATEST he swore by himself. He's told me "I will never leave you nor forsake you, I will help you o worm Donna. Do not fear, for "I will pour water on the thirsty land and streams on the dry ground"(Isaiah 44 vs 2-3)
The verse continues, So now, I, who has fled to this hope, I can take it as an "ANCHOR to my soul, FIRM AND SECURE" and it is my HOPE that connects me to God. This hope is what we call faith...its what connects me to God " it enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us has entered on our behalf"
And so to make the long story short (:)) I know...i knoww...talk about brevity and conciseness...)So today when I threw my helplessness tantrum before God, He didn't send physical intervention as before, but HE refreshed me with His Word, He told me, the ball is in your court Dee, you are going to have to grow up. He gave me Luke 16: 19-31. So the word I got from it is " if they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead"
And the message is LEARN
whereby sometimes we cry out and ask God for signs and miracles and visions and appearances like the rich man in hell asked of Abraham and Lazarus
whereby God has richly provided everything we need to be connected to him and to live a life free of hell and to have power in the now to overcome every situation, just like the rich man had everything while he was oneearth
whereby Jesus died so that he could impart a part f Him on earth to us for the here and now and not just the after-life. And whereby Jesus said "Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, Whatever you loose on earth will be loose in heaven"
Whereby this evening I was lying on the floor crying and asking for a physical intervention from God
Whereby he told me to "learn" : I have the bible, I have the authority, He has given me enough and shown me enough. He will take care of his Lazaruses, but HE cant continue to spoon feed those He has given power and authority and revealed great gooodness to.
Whereby I pledge to God to wake up at 6 am every morning to spend an hour soaking in His goodness, learning, planning, seeking his direction on every activity for the day
whereby from now I will work hard, take charge of the tools Christ has given me, entrusted in my care
Whereby I will keep a blog and work hard in school and reach out to maameyaa etc (VIP PROMISES TO GOD)- and this is a measure of public accountability- SO HELP ME GOD FOR I AM WEAK AND CANNOT DO IT WITHOUT YOUR GRACE MERCIFUL FATHER
Where by I refuse to ENTRUST Myself into man's care---------John 2: 23: "But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man for he himself knew what was in man" I cannot seek mans praise or look to him for validation-- Luke 15 vs 16 tells us "what is important to people is hateful in God's sight"
Whereby I let God know here is one pretty lady who is ALL His (even though all of me is certainly unworthy of Him)
Whereby I am free at last: to trust God and trust in his promise, to take the faith, the HOPE, and enter behind the curtain to join Jesus where God is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEENNNNNNN
Good night folks!!
